MY GARMIN

I have a little Garmin 
It sits there in my car 
A Garmin is a driver's friend 
It tells you where you are 

I have a little Garmin 
I've had it all my life 
It's better than the normal ones 
My Garmin is my wife 

It gives me full instructions 
Especially how to drive 
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says 
"You're doing thirty five" 

It tells me when to stop and start 
And when to use the brake 
And tells me that it's never ever 
Safe to overtake. 

It tells me when a light is red 
And when it goes to green 
It seems to know instinctively 
Just when to intervene. 

It lists the vehicles just in front 
And all those to the rear 
And taking this into account 
It specifies my gear. 

I'm sure no other driver 
Has so helpful a device 
For when we leave and lock the car 
It still gives its advice. 

It fills me up with counselling 
Each journey's pretty fraught 
So why don't I exchange it 
And get a quieter sort? 

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, 
Makes sure I'm properly fed, 
It washes all my shirts and things 
And - keeps me warm in bed! 

Despite all these advantages 
And my tendency to scoff, 
I do wish that once in a while 
I could turn the dumb thing off!