Dear Diary:

Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Ontario . It is so beautiful here. The

hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree

in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is

truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 -

Ontario is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on

Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all

of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to

walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer. They

are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on

Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would

want to  shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and

tranquility here in Ontario . I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight:

everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is

magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from

the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a

snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have

gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the

end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I

love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little

trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in

time. I'm exhausted from all of the  shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white **** coming down. I've got blisters on my

hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around

the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. *******.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on

the sonofabitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And

why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside

since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't

go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect

another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the

4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the ****head

actually had  the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd

broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some

food and a goddamn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the bastard.

It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The

hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow

into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the

front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece

of **** into fireplace wood when I had the chance.

April 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole

underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on

the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow ****.

May 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I  can't imagine

why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God

forsaken Province of Ontario....